


Hate to Love You

by Peace04



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Cute Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Build, This is my first time writing so go easy on me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25117246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peace04/pseuds/Peace04
Summary: Jackson:A tired Junior, with a dying twin and a broken home.Rachel:An orphaned Sophomore, who has had to fight for her life several times.Can they fix each other? Or are they just broken beyond repair...





	1. Jackson Miller

**Author's Note:**

> Hiyaaaaaaaa,  
> Ok so I'm an overly enthusiastic, also kinda bored, 14 year old in quarantine, so I'm trying writing. Go easy, and please don't hateeeeee. I'm just doing this for fun. 
> 
> Oh and school starts on Sunday where I live so that's gonna be in the story.

Jackson Miller:  
For the record, this is journal, not a diary. Oh, you’re wondering what the difference is? Well, it’s pretty hard to explain… Actually no it’s not. Diaries are about writing feelings and emotions down (a bit girly if I’m being completely honest). Journals, on the other hand, are simply about documenting my life just as it is, without any emotion whatsoever. Oh you don’t believe me… do you? If I’m being honest, I don’t really believe me either. Asking why? Just because lately, I’VE BEEN HAVING UNINVITED GUESTS IN MY MIND! GIRLS! I CAN’T TRUST MYSELF ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS AND I’M NOT REALLY SURE I CAN HANDLE IT. But there is so much more that’s going on than girls. I just wish I could talk (or write) about it. Usually I open up to Liam or Brett, my best friends, but lately I can’t seem to be able to do that…

Whew! Got that off my chest! Ok so maybe this is a diary… You can’t really judge me though, can you? OK at this point I’m just rambling. Let me start writing about my day today…

January:  
Sunday the 6th:  
“Jack, wake up! Winter break’s over and you know that,” My mother’s voice rang in my head as I groggily sat up in bed. To be honest, I considered faking being sick for a moment, before I remembered that mom had caught me in that lie not so long ago, but that’s a story for later. Reluctantly, I stepped out of bed and dragged my legs to the bathroom to take a quick shower, before having to dress up my school’s lousy uniform. 

Gosh my closet’s a mess! It took me 15 minutes to find my clothes! I really need to work on my organization skills, don’t I? 

As I stood in front of the mirror on my closet door, I took in my appearance. Blond hair, green eyes, slightly tanned skin, and a jawline. Of course it’s needless to say that my body isn’t that bad either, abs are really nice to have!…

Oh who am I kidding? It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, I just don’t see anything good about me. Fuck I’ll deal with these insecurities later. My mom was honking the car horn, and to matters worse she stuck her head out of the car window and said yelled, “JACKSON MILLER YOU HAVE 3O SECONDS TO BE IN THE CAR OR I’M TAKING YOU’RE BROTHER AND LEAVING YOU BEHIND!” All in one breath! “OH AND THERE’S A SANDWICH FOR BREAKFAST ON THE KITCHEN TABLE, AND DON’T FORGET YOUR LUNCH BAG EITHER,” she continued.  
“OK JUST A SECOND, MA” I yelled back in response. Swinging my bag over my shoulder and hastily taking my phone, I rushed into the kitchen and grabbed my food and sprinted to the car and jumped in. FINALLY!

“Did you study for your exams?” Mum inquired, while staring ahead at the road.  
“No….?” I drawled nervously.  
“Seriously Jackson? Again?” She shook her head in disappointment.  
“Mom I’ll wing it, it’s not that hard,” I lied, knowing full well that I’ll probably fail the exam.  
“ We’ll see about that,” she said skeptically.

Usually my marks are amazing, but lately I’ve been spiraling and I don’t know why…

“Get out of the car, LOSER!” My baby brother, Derek, shouted in my ear while shoving me towards the car door. Well he’s not really a baby though. He’s one year younger than me in tenth grade, and looks almost exactly like me, just a bit shorter.

Wait a minute, we were already here? Shit this day is already not going so well.

“OK, I’m out!” I exclaimed exasperatedly. Gosh he’s so annoying!

“Have a good day boys!” Mom bade us goodbye as she rolled the window up and drove away.

That’s when it happened. That’s when I saw her. Stepping out the door of her mother’s car, Rachel Jones. 

In case you were wondering, Rachel is a girl in my brother’s grade (10th in case you forgot). She has long, wavy brown hair with green eyes. Super into sports and arts.

Hold up! Why am thinking of her? I hate her, don’t I?  
It doesn’t matter anyway though… I’ve made her hate me. I only have myself to blame for that.

Anyway, we were all walking into this prison that resembles a school, when I got the sudden urge to turn around and just leave; to just skip the school day. So that’s what I did. I turned around, but just as I was leaving to skip, I felt a small hand touch my shoulder.  
“Where are you going?” A feminine voice asked.  
I turned my head just that little bit, and there she was again. My heart skipped a beat as I felt the blush creep uncontrollably up my cheeks. It was Rachel again!  
“What do you care?” I muttered sullenly.  
“ Ummm I just don’t want you skipping school. Is everything all right? You ok?”   
“None of your fucking business…” Wait why did I say that? Shit!  
A frown came onto her face as she snapped, “Fine. Just tryna help you.” She turned around and walked away muttering something that sounded a little bit like “dickhead”.  
“Wait Rachel I’m sorry!” I called out desperately.  
“Save it…” she spat out without looking at me.

Fuck! I just lost the chance to talk to Rachel. What kind of stupid little shit am I?   
But I hate her, so why the fuck do I care? She’s a bitch anyway. Thinks she’s above everyone.

…She had a point though… I can’t just start skipping. Not on the first day back…

I was snapped out of my deep train of thoughts by the school bell ringing. As I watched all the students around me rush to class, I dragged my feet there reluctantly. 

This isn’t normal. Usually I’m excited about school. What’s going on? Can it be that my twin brother’s cancer was affecting me more than I thought? Or could it be my girlfriend cheating on me? Or was it my crappy life at home? My parents fighting all the time? Or fighting with the one person who could help me through it all?

“Sit down Miller. You’re already late to class,” again torn away from my thoughts, but this time by my old-ass history teacher. This day is gonna be shitty. I could feel it down to my core…

The lessons passed quickly, quicker than expected (honestly can’t be bothered to write about them), and the bell rang, signaling lunch break. You know what, before I get on with the story, let me tell you a little bit about me…

|| My full name is Jackson David Miller. I’m Lebanese-Brazilian and I’m turning 16 next month (February 14th. Yes, yes I know that’s Valentine's Day yay what a miracle). I’m in the 11th grade, and I have a twin brother who was supposed to be attending this year. He got cancer, so he couldn’t do that this year. I have a baby brother (again, not really a baby) called Derek in 10th grade. He turns 15 in May 4th.   
My parents fight all. The. Time. About EVERYTHING! And as I mentioned before, my grades are slipping. I feel like I’m going under.  
I’m pretty popular, but my two best friends are Brett Smith and Liam Hale. I trust them with my life. Lately though, I’ve been drifting away… I think they’ve noticed that too…. ||

Anyway moving on from that, I’m gonna continue were I left off. 

The bell rang, so I raced out the classroom to the school field, to go and meet my friends.  
“Brett! Hey!” I called out when I found him standing talking to a teacher. Ew I hate teachers.  
“Jackson what’s up?” He grinned cheekily at me. I walked up to him and nodded my head in acknowledgment to the teacher, “Mr. Sanders.”  
“Mr. Miller,” he nodded back. He’s my English teacher. “Remember you have an essay to submit next week.”  
Shit I totally forgot about that.  
“Right… What was the topic again?” I muttered in shame. A student like me shouldn’t be asking about the topic. How could I have missed it?   
Apparently Mr. Sanders thought so too because he shook his. Head in disappointment and said, “The topic was ‘Who is your greatest influence?’”   
Damn what do I say about that?  
“OK sir, I’ll have it done.”  
“Good luck Miller.”  
“Thanks.”

As soon as he was out of earshot, Brett exclaimed, “Dude that was intense,”  
“I know right…” I sighed, defeated.

We went together to the cafeteria, where we met up with Liam. Together we grabbed lunch from the counters, and picked a table to eat at.

For a while, everything seemed to be going well, but as you guys know, nothing good ever really lasts. The calm in cafeteria was broken by a girl yelling at someone. Curious, I turned my head, just like everyone else, to the middle, where two girls were standing there, clearly fighting.

“That’s Rachel,” Brett whispered.  
“No fucking shit. What’s up with her friend?” Liam mumbled.  
See, Rachel was fighting with her friend Maria. Or more like Maria was fighting Rachel, while the latter just stood there with an embarrassed look on her face.  
“Maria shut it, you’re making a fool of yourself,” she whisper-shouted.  
Maria full-on ignored her and continued yelling in the world’s most annoying voice, EVER!  
“Gosh, you’re such an idiot,” Rachel rolled her eyes in exasperation. She spun on her heel, and briskly walked out of the cafeteria, with her head high, and her face expressionless and cold. 

The rest of break was relatively boring compared to their fight. Soon after, the bell rang, this time to signal our exam time. You see, in Elite High (my school’s name) we have exams every other day. Today it was maths.

The exam that would’ve been the easiest not so long ago, seemed almost impossible now. It didn’t help that my brother’s grade had an exam in the same time too. The reason that was so bad was because Rachel was sitting next to me. Fuck I hate her. I hate everything about her. But does she have to smell so good? I couldn’t help but glance at her every once in a while.

“Rachel Jones if you’ve finished your exam, please come here,” the exam supervisor announced. That usually only happens if you’re in trouble.

Hesitantly, she stood up and walked up to his desk. I watched him lean down and whisper something in her ear. She froze.  
“No, No, No, No, No, NO! THAT’S A LIE!” She panicked.  
“I’m sorry Miss Jones…”  
“No…” she whispered. She pushed the door open and ran.

All eyes were on the door. People were starting to talk. I stayed quiet though. What could possibly be wrong?…

I’d never admit this to anyone but…

I hate saying this but…

I’m worried about her…

And I kinda hope she’s OK……


	2. RACHEL JONES

Rachel Jones:  
Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT.

This isn’t happening. It can’t be…

To clear things up, let me rewind to the beginning go the day, before the universe decided to fuck my life up……

OK to be clear, this is a journal, not a diary. Honestly, I don’t know what the difference is, but I figured that journal sounds less girly than diary, so I’ll just go with that… I’m Rachel Jones, 14, 10th grade, and this is my story…

Sunday, January 6th:  
I woke up late, again. I snoozed the alarm like 5 times, and by the time I got up, I had 10 minutes to get ready.  
“Morning ma! Morning Pa!” I called out  
“Morning baby,” my parents replied.  
I threw my brown hair in a ponytail, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Rummaging through the closet, I found my school uniform and put it on. I grabbed a pair of white sports socks and wore my Air Jordan 3s.  
Rushing to the kitchen, I snatched the sandwich my mom had prepared, and went to the living room to see my parents.  
I finished with 4 minutes to spare! YAY!

I sat next to my parents and we were talking about everything and nothing in particular. I hugged them hard and long before going to the car. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach…

All the way to school, I was on the phone with my dad while talking to my mom. I was scared. Back then, I had no idea why. If only I knew…

When we reached school, I hugged my mom goodbye, and got off the phone with my dad. Then I saw HIM. Jackson Miller.

11th grade asshole. Very cute. Or hot. Depends on how you look at him. But an asshole either way.

Even though I hated him, there was something about the expression on his face that kinda made me feel bad for him. He looked tired, like he’d been through a lot. And trust me, I know a thing or two about that.

Then for some weird reason, he turned around to leave school. I couldn’t help it. I put a hand on his shoulder and asked him, “Where are you going?”  
He turned his head, just that little bit, and muttered, “What do you care?”  
I was taken aback by his question. Why did I care?  
“ Ummm I just don’t want you skipping school. Is everything all right? You ok?” I said. What I really wanted to say is, “Because I care about YOU.”  
“None of your fucking business…” he snapped.  
I felt a frown form on my face and took my hand off his shoulder and spat, “Fine. Just tryna help.”   
I turned around and left him standing there. I muttered, “Dickhead,” just loud enough for him to hear it.  
“Wait Rachel I’m sorry!”  
“Save it…”

I got to class 5 minutes early, so I put my bag on the ground next to my chair, and let my thoughts wander.   
“RACHEL!” I heard a loud voice exclaim. I looked up to find Maria, my only female friend coming in.  
“Hey Maria,” I replied. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her girly shit. AT ALL.  
The bell rang just on time for my to avoid her, so my school day commenced.

Classes passed quickly, and as usual, I was top of the class. When lunch swung around, I took out my chicken salad to eat.   
“Yo Rachel,” I heard a deep voice say. I looked behind me, to find Derek (Jacksons lil bro) standing with Percy and Dylan. Wait they’re friends?   
“Derek,” I nodded.   
“We need one more person to play basketball with us, wanna join?”  
“Yeah sure. I’m just gonna eat first.”  
“Right. Just meet us on the court in 10.”  
“OK.”

Percy and Dylan are my best friends. It was weird seeing them with Derek. I guess they got closer over the winter holidays.

I went to the cafeteria to meet Maria, and eat my lunch. Walking up to her, I smiled,  
“Hey,”  
“You’re a bitch!” She shouted.  
“Excuse me?”  
The whole cafeteria went silent. I swear it felt like you could hear a pin drop.  
Then she went on a big as rant about how she had ‘dibs’ on Derek, and how I stole him away.  
GIRLS! SO DAMN ANNOYING! I clenched my fists, almost drawing blood, to avoid punching her. That’s right, I’m one of the best fighters, male and female, in the country. Oh and I’m in the school’s varsity basketball team.   
“Maria, shut it. You’re making a fool of yourself.”  
THE BITCH IGNORED ME!  
“Gosh you’re such an idiot.”  
I left her without looking back.

After that, the rest of the break was fine. Then came my least favorite part of the day, exam time.   
Exams are easy for me. Doesn’t mean I like them.

In the exam hall, my heart was pounding. Oh it wasn’t because of the test. That was the easy part. JACKSON MILLER WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME. WHAT!?

I couldn’t help but glance at him every once in a while. He smelled AMAZING!

Not long after I submitted my exam, I heard the exam supervisor announce, “Rachel Jones if you’ve finished your exam, please come here.”  
Was this about the fight in the cafeteria? It couldn’t be that big of a deal, could it?

He whispered, “I’m so sorry for having to deliver the news… but your parents passed away in a car crash.”

WHAT?

HE DIDN’T JUST…

My whole world came crashing down in seconds. I couldn’t cry, even if I wanted to. I was in shock.  
“No, No, No, No, No, NO! THAT’S A LIE!” I half-shouted.  
“I’m sorry Miss Jones…”  
“No……” I pushed the door open and ran.

I ran to class, packed my shit, and ordered an Uber to the hospital. I found my parents lying there, dead.

After that, everything was a blur. Between funeral arrangements, shipping my stuff back to my house in Canada, selling one of my parents cars (kept the other to stay in), and keeping my necessities, I had little time for school. Luckily, they understood, and gave me the week off.

I lied to the hospital when I said I had family to stay with. My family had removed me from the family tree a long time ago, so I was staying in my car, with my school stuff (books, clothes, etc), my sports bag (clothes and equipment), regular clothes, and a little extras. 

I kept a box of stuff to remember my parents with. I still couldn’t believe they’re gone…

I had to get a part time job, at Starbucks, to pay for food and water, and half of my fees in kickboxing (Basketball was part of school). I was able to explain the situation to them, so they allowed me to pay half. Sometimes, I would play the piano for money at bars, the guitar on the streets. Sell short stories and paintings. Anything for that little bit of money.   
There was another problem. Every other night, thugs would come by and pick fights. I was lucky I could fight back. Otherwise, I’d probably be dead by now. Well, I’m already dead inside, but that doesn’t matter.

When I went back to school, I pretended everything was fine. I didn’t need their pity. The school said I was on a conditional scholarship.   
I could learn for free, as long as my marks stayed high. Shouldn’t be too hard…

Life means nothing anymore anyway……

Sometimes, I’d get questions about the scars on my face, or all over my body, or my bruised jaw, or the bandages on my wrist and ankles. My answer was always the same. I’m fine. I’m fine. It’s nothing, I’m fine. 

Everyone fell for it…

“Rachel, focus!” Tyler said. He’s my other best friend. He goes to kickboxing with me, and we spar a lot. Today he managed to knock me down.  
“Sorry, I’m just tired today.” This was 3 weeks later. He looked worried.  
“OK that’s enough for today,” he said offering me his hand. I took in gladly, and pulled myself up. Fuck I’m spiraling.  
“No, no we can go one,”  
“Nope don’t finish that sentence,” he interrupted, “enough is enough.”  
I nodded, and packed my shit in my bag.  
“Rach?”  
“Yeah?”  
“You know you can talk to me whenever right?”  
“I know,” yeah but not about this. Not yet.   
“Good.”  
I hugged him, and left the boxing gym.  
I had two hours to kill before it was time for me to go to Starbucks for my job.

Fuck

I miss them.

I need my parents back.

I still wasn’t able to cry. 

I have to be strong. Showing emotion makes you weak, right?  
Forgot to mention, I take showers in the gym, so don’t think I’m some dirty bitch or something.   
I did my homework my car, studies for all tests, then rushed to Starbucks. Don’t worry, I have a skateboard. I’m not legally old enough to drive a car yet, and the last thing I need is to get arrested.

It was almost 11 pm by the time I got back to my car. I was exhausted, to the point were I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the little pillow I had in my car.

I miss them so much it hurts… I keep pushing the pain. I don’t have time to mourn.  
By pushing the pain away, maybe I can just get over it. Does that make sense?

And even though it pains me to say this…

I need,

Like really need…

Nah I can’t admit it.

But it’s not like anyone’s gonna ever read this……

I desperately need,

FUCKING NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE

ANYONE

Please

Help

I DON’T WANNA DO THIS ALONE

I can’t do this alone.

Jackson Miller, even though I hate you, for some reason, I wish you were here……… 

Please Save Me.


End file.
